Original episode & show notes | Raw transcript
For decades, the popular conception of performance psychology centered on controlling the mind. Athletes were taught to suppress negative thoughts, visualize success, and actively build confidence, often through affirmations. This “old school” approach, largely rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), operates on a mechanistic principle: fix the broken mental part (e.g., a “negative” thought) to produce the desired output (better performance).
The podcast introduces a paradigm shift towards a “new school” approach, specifically Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). ACT proposes a radical alternative: instead of trying to change or eliminate unwanted thoughts and feelings, we should change our relationship to them. It is a contextual, behavior-focused model that aims to build psychological flexibility.
Core Idea: Unhelpful behaviors stem from irrational or negative thoughts and feelings.
Primary Goal: To identify, challenge, and change these internal experiences. The sequence is: Change Thought/Feeling → Change Behavior.
Analogy: A CBT practitioner is like a mechanic looking at the parts of a bike. If the bike won’t move, they assume a part is broken (e.g., a flat tire) and focus exclusively on fixing that part.
Core Idea: The struggle to control or eliminate unwanted internal experiences is often the source of suffering and dysfunction.
Primary Goal: To notice thoughts and feelings without judgment, accept their presence, and commit to actions aligned with one’s core values, regardless of how one feels. The focus is on workable action.
Analogy: An ACT practitioner is a contextual psychologist. They see the bike isn’t moving and, instead of just checking the tire, they look at the whole environment and realize, “The bike is stuck in mud.” The problem isn’t the bike’s parts, but the context it’s in. The solution is to work with the situation as it is.
ACT is built on developing skills in six core areas. The podcast touches on all of these through its various metaphors and examples.
This is the principle of making room for uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and sensations instead of fighting them.
The Beach Ball Metaphor: Trying to suppress a thought is like holding a beach ball underwater. It takes constant energy, and the moment you lose focus, it shoots up and hits you in the face. Acceptance is letting the beach ball float on the surface beside you. You see it, you acknowledge it, but you don’t have to struggle with it.
Open Door Policy: Treat your mind like a house with an open door policy for thoughts and emotions. They can come and go as they please. Wasting energy trying to slam the door on “negative” ones is exhausting and ineffective.
This is the ability to separate from your thoughts and see them for what they are—transient mental events, not objective truths or commands you must obey.
You Are Not Your Thoughts: The podcast emphasizes that you are the container for your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. The “Big I” exercise illustrates this: you are the large “I” that contains all the smaller “i’s” (roles, experiences, thoughts, feelings). A single thought like “I am a failure” is just one small piece of content within the vast container of you.
The Tandem Bicycle Metaphor: You are in the front seat of a tandem bike, steering and pedaling. Your mind is in the back, chattering away (“You’re too slow,” “You can’t make it up this hill”). Defusion is realizing that the mind in the back seat isn’t actually controlling the pedals or the handlebars. You can hear its chatter, thank it for its input (“Thank you, mind”), and keep pedaling toward your destination.
This involves bringing your full attention to the here and now, rather than being lost in rumination about the past or worry about the future.
This is the concept of the “observing self” discussed earlier—the consistent, stable “you” that witnesses your ever-changing thoughts, feelings, and roles. Realizing you are the sky, not the weather, allows for psychological stability even when storms of emotion or thought pass through.
This is about clarifying what truly matters to you on a deep level. What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to stand for? Values are not goals to be achieved; they are directions to live by.
This is the final step: taking effective action, guided by your values, even in the presence of discomfort.
Confidence is a “Performance Lubricant”: It’s like the alcohol of performing—it can make things feel easier, but it’s not a requirement, and chasing it can be counterproductive. The drunk guy at the golf course is highly confident but not competent.
Focus on Competence: The goal is to do the thing well (competence), not necessarily to feel good about doing it (confidence).
Emotional Reps: Uncomfortable emotions are “the weights of performance.” Each time you perform an action while feeling anxious, disappointed, or scared, you are doing a “rep” and getting stronger at being uncomfortable. The goal isn’t to become comfortable; it’s to get better at being uncomfortable.
TEAM: Treat Emotions As Messengers: Don’t ask why an emotion is there. Ask what its message is. Anxiousness before a race might be messaging, “This is important to you, and you want to do well.” You can hear the message without having to “fix” the feeling.
Definition: The state where a high performer can easily push through physical pain but is completely unwilling to sit with emotional pain (e.g., the feeling of being a “quitter,” embarrassment, or disappointment).
The Problem: This rigidity leads to poor decisions, like training through a real injury because the emotional pain of stopping feels worse than the physical pain of continuing. True psychological flexibility means being able to make the wise choice in both domains.
The Metaphor: You are in a tug-of-war with a big, ugly “thought monster” (e.g., “You’re not ready for this”). You are on one side of a pit, the monster on the other. The harder you pull, the harder it pulls back, and all your energy is consumed by the fight.
The Skill: Drop the rope. You are not required to engage in the battle. When you drop the rope, the monster is still there, but you are no longer locked in a struggle. Your hands and energy are now free to do what actually matters (e.g., prepare for your race). This is a powerful act of cognitive defusion.
A framework for teaching psychological flexibility to adolescents:
Discoverer: The skill of trying new things and learning through experimentation.
Noticer: The skill of observing thoughts and feelings as they are.
Advisor: Recognizing the part of your mind that gives instructions, and learning when its advice is and isn’t helpful.
Valuer: The skill of connecting with what matters and pursuing it.
This model provides a simple, actionable vocabulary for young people to build these crucial life skills.